Fiery Trials and God’s Faithfulness

 “ So these men. . . were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. . . Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, ‘Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!’ So, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire. . . the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them” Daniel 3:21, 26, 27.

This is the familiar account of the three Hebrew young men who were thrown in the furnace by King Nebuchadnezzar because of their faith. To read the entire account click here.

I can relate to this experience. Not literally of course, but metaphorically.

I have been thrown into a “blazing furnace” and came out without a hair of my head being singed, and no smell of fire on me. I’ve been a nurse for many years now. And finally, can say I really enjoy my job.

But I definitely couldn’t say that in the beginning. When I was a new nurse, I went through some fiery trials.

And at times, it looked like I would most certainly be devoured by them. But in the end, I came out of it unharmed.

Fear Has Torment

My first nursing job in a nursing home ended up being the mother of fiery trials for many months. There was the panic anxiety that was tormenting. I was terrified I would make a medication error and/or get fired. I know firsthand the truth of 1st John 4:18: “. . . fear has torment”.

And eventually, my fear of making mistakes and being incompetent began to be realized.

As I said, I had been plagued by anxiety from the very beginning of my nursing career. But I didn’t take it very seriously, at first. I assumed it would go away as I gained experience and knowledge. But six months into it, I had an epiphany. It was not getting better, but worse, much worse.

Stress Makes You Stupid

I started having panic anxiety that literally lasted half the shift, or longer. If you’ve ever had a panic attack, you know I am not exaggerating when I say I was terrified. I was hired on Valentine’s Day and by October, I started making mistakes.

You’d think it would be the other way around, but the panic anxiety was affecting my ability to remember and concentrate. Stress makes you stupid, as they say.

The Nurse from Hell List

One of the residents fell on their butt twice in a short period of time, and I didn’t chart the second one. And, that’s not all. I also:

Charted a resident had a rash. It turned out to be grape juice.

Mistakenly gave a bag to a resident that looked like a shopping bag. But it was really a pharmacy bag.

Failed to get the first dose of a new order for an antibiotic from the emergency medication kit.

Didn’t put an insulin syringe in the Sharps container.

Inadvertently signed that a resident’s hearing aids were put away when they weren’t.

Inadvertently signed a resident was walked when they weren’t.

Charted we were short staffed when we weren’t.

Spilled a large amount of liquid narcotic and cleaned it up. I didn’t know I needed a witness.

Took the keys to the medication cart home without knowing it. No one could get ahold of me for two days.

Was accused of not doing a dressing change. (I’m pretty sure I did).

Forgot I was supposed to work Thanksgiving and didn’t show up.

I got written up for, I think, four of these things. And I didn’t know of any other nurse who had gotten written up. So, this was an ominous sign.

It all came to a head in December when my immediate supervisor told me straight up that if I were getting a performance review at that time, it wouldn’t be very good.

He essentially told me I should get a different job. He basically made me feel that all my fears of being an incompetent, inadequate nurse were justified.

Does Faith and Obedience Really Work?

I was trying with everything in me to trust and not be afraid. I had hoped things would start to improve after I made that decision. But they didn’t. In fact, the above encounter with my boss happened just days later.

And some of the things I got in trouble for happened after I made that decision. In fact, six of the items on the above nurse from hell list occurred after that. This was a huge test. I was tempted to wonder if faith and obedience really worked.

Despite the anxiety and trouble, I knew I couldn’t quit. In fact, one of the things the Lord showed me to combat the anxiety was to work MORE. The very thing I was terrified to do. More work meant more opportunities to make mistakes. And to appear more incompetent.

But I gritted my teeth, clenched my fists and forged ahead with more shifts. And even though I continued to make mistakes, I was learning to trust God.

I thought about seeing a doctor and maybe getting something for the anxiety. But, I was fairly young and healthy when I got hired. So, I wasn’t too concerned about health insurance. And I allowed the enrollment period to lapse, so I wasn’t insured.

Fiery Trials

So, for a whole year I was in a vortex of fiery trials. First, I had tormenting panic anxiety. Then I started getting in trouble on top of the anxiety. And I certainly wasn’t the only one who questioned my ability as a nurse. And the wisdom of choosing that as a profession.

But, as I said, I knew from the beginning I couldn’t quit. Even though every shift I worked felt like another round in the “blazing furnace”. And when I made mistakes, I knew I had to own up to them. Even though by doing so, I was putting my job in jeopardy.

I was trying to deal with and combat the anxiety head on. But the truth is, I would have much rather run away from the whole nightmare.

The Lord Gave Me A Battle Plan

As I finally began earnestly seeking the Lord about the anxiety, He gave me a battle plan. He showed me six things I needed to do the combat the anxiety.

In addition to working more, I needed to stop obsessing about the shift I had just worked. I began to stand on the scripture: “let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be fearful”.

And I prayed when I was too overwhelmed to stand. I began listening to Joyce Meyer again. She had been so instrumental in my faith journey in the past. I also brought one of my nursing textbooks with me to work.

So, I went through the fire of panic anxiety for nine months. And the fire of disapproval of my superiors for about five months before things started to improve. But then about 14 months after I was hired, a breakthrough.

The manager who hated me and had written me up so many times quit. Finally, some light at the end of the tunnel. And then in June my immediate supervisor and other nemesis, quit.

Not that they could be blamed, mind you. I wasn’t a very good nurse. And they were just doing their jobs. But, I do think after a while, they looked more closely at my work then they did other nurses. And maybe some other nurses were getting by with doing some of the same things I had done.

Things Began to Finally Look Up

In any event, things were finally starting to look up. And as I made progress against the anxiety, my circumstances began to improve too. I hadn’t been written up since March. Then in August, I think, a new supervisor was hired. He was very friendly and not at all intimidating like the last one.

He had just graduated in May. Best of all, he was one of the few nurses who actually made me feel good about my knowledge. That’s because he seemed to know even less than me!

Almost two years after the whole ordeal began, I finally got my first official performance review from the director of nursing. And, miracle of miracles, it could not have been better! I got the highest rating possible in all seven categories.

And the amazing thing is, this passage about Shadrach Meshach and Abednego was my Bible reading the morning after the review.

Jesus Was with Me in the Fiery Trials

Now, if this isn’t coming out of the fire without my hair being singed or smelling like smoke, I don’t know what is. This was such an unexpected, even miraculous outcome. Much like Shadrach Meshach and Abednego, in that respect.

So many of my experiences were contrary to that outcome. But here’s the key, found in verse 25: He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods” Daniel 3:25.

Jesus was with me in all my fiery trials, just as He was with the three young men. And just as He miraculously delivered them from the flames, He did me too!

And the fact that this passage was my reading for the day the morning after I got the review. That is nothing short of amazing. It’s as fitting an analogy for what I had been through as any passage in the Bible.

But the biggest victory wasn’t the performance review. It was deliverance from the anxiety. I use the word deliverance, because even though I followed the “battle plan” the Lord gave me, it was really Him who set me free. I think He honored my efforts.

But in the end, He just sovereignly took it away. I still work as a nurse today and rarely have fear or anxiety or any kind. Now, that’s the biggest miracle of all right there. To read a post similar to Fiery Trials and God’s Faithfulness see, Big Promise, Big Giant.

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