Why Trust in God When It’s Easier to Trust in Yourself?
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” Proverbs 3: 5, 6.
My dad leaned on his own understanding when he abandoned me as an infant. I don’t believe he had any idea of the years of grief and misery that decision would cause me. I only saw him once as a child after that, when I was eight years old.
I’m pretty sure he thought that because I was so young I would forget about him in a few days or weeks. And that would be the end of it. Nothing could have been farther from the truth!
I grieved his loss for years on end. I just didn’t know why I was so sad or so DESPERATE for a soul mate even after I was married. Because I was too young to remember the event that triggered it.
He didn’t think for a minute that that choice would devastate my life for over 40 years.
Surprise! We Don’t Know Everything
But that’s exactly what happened. And that’s exactly why God insists we don’t lean on our own understanding. We don’t know everything. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, we know very little.
Sad to say, paternal abandonment is not a rare occurrence. And some children come through it seemingly unscathed. But my situation was complicated by the fact that he was my primary caregiver.
And the mother he left me with loved me but was mentally ill. And an alcoholic. She was not even capable of taking care of herself much less a helpless baby.
If we’ll simply trust the Lord and be obedient, we’ll spare others and ourselves heartache and misery. To read this entire passage, click here.
My dad had no understanding of the human psyche when he abandoned me.
He couldn’t have fathomed that his leaving would cause me to be devastated over the “loss” of men I barely knew later in life. Or that it would destroy my marriage because my husband could never take the place of my father.
Not only did I suffer, but my children did too. I was so distracted by the grief of his loss when they were young that while I may have been present physically, I was absent psychologically much of the time.
If We Lean on Our Own Understanding We Will Suffer
He didn’t mean to be cruel. But even though he didn’t realize it, he was unspeakably cruel. And he suffered the consequences of cruelty.
If he would’ve trusted God and did the right thing by staying, he would’ve spared me and himself years of pain.
God tells us not to lean on our own understanding because we don’t know everything. We often have no idea of the pain and heartache our choices, made on the basis of limited understanding, will cause others.
To the cruel, He shows Himself cruel (2 Samuel 22: 27). This is not just to those who are consciously aware of their cruelty. It’s also to those who because they leaned on their own understanding rather than trusted God caused pain and misery to someone else. Even though they weren’t aware of it.
Trust In God And be Protected
Trusting God and doing what’s right is our protection. This is ironic because doing what’s right looks like, and in fact often is a threat to our well-being. It looks like it will result in real harm and loss.
But if we do it anyway, and trust God to protect us He will. Because those who trust in the Lord will not be disappointed (Romans 10: 11). And He works all things for the good to those who love God (Romans 8: 28).
Doing what’s right often looks like it will result in calamity. But the truth is, calamity comes when we lean on our own understanding and don’t do what’s right.
God is just. And whatever we inflict on others will be inflicted on us, if we don’t repent. And usually in this life.
What looks like a threat to our well-being (obedience) is actually insurance of our well-being.
Why Trust in God When the Broad Path Is the Obvious Choice?
The broad path looks like the best choice between the broad and narrow paths (Mathew 7: 13, 14). It’s a no-brainer as they used to say. This path is easy, pleasant, comfortable. And it offers little resistance.
The other one involves suffering, affliction and suffering tribulation. This is literally what the word narrow means in the Greek. And it’s full of resistance. It’s the narrow path. The choice seems clear if you lean on your own understanding. But that path is deceptive because leads to destruction.
If you instead trust God and choose the hard path of obedience you will find to your surprise and delight that that path is also deceptive. Because it leads to life!
If we choose what seems easier and less painful now, we’ll get death and misery later. If we choose what seems harder and more painful now, we’ll get abundant life later.
And actually, even though obedience and righteousness are often difficult, we can have peace and joy in the midst of them. As well as blessings in the end.
And on the other hand, even though disobedience and wickedness is the path of least resistance, we will be filled with guilt, shame, anxiety and turmoil in the midst of it. And be destroyed in the end.
No Gain in Wickedness or Loss in Righteousness
So really, there is no gain to be had in wickedness. And no loss in righteousness. But it does appear that way. That’s why righteousness requires that we trust God rather than lean on our own understanding.
If we acknowledge Him by doing what’s right, He will make our paths straight. We will not be unpleasantly surprised by losses, health problems, unforeseen disasters. Our life will be smooth and pleasant and predictable.
You will be able to judge from your past history your future course.
The one who doesn’t acknowledge God in all his ways is on a crooked path. It will be treacherous. And he will be surprised by unforeseen and unexpected losses and tragedies.
You can’t see what’s ahead on a crooked road. It is fraught with unexpected surprises because it doesn’t allow you to see what’s ahead.
My Dad’s Journey on a Crooked Road
This is exactly how my dad’s life was. He experienced unexpected losses and tragedies beginning around the time I embarked on my complicated grief journey.
First his beloved little dog was hit by a car and killed.
He never married and was alone most of his life. I was told this was because of guilt over leaving me. This is especially poignant because he was a family man at heart. He had a caretaking, nurturing personality. And family and close bonds were actually a major part of his identity.
I was his only child. But I never really knew him. . . He wasn’t close to me or his grandchildren.
So that little dog was his family. And losing her in such a traumatic way destroyed him.
The next year he lost one of his closest friends to cancer. She was the one who always took special care to ensure he was included in the Swiss community social gatherings since he was a bachelor. She was only in her forties.
The next year his brother died suddenly at a fairly young age. And he had to leave for his birthplace of Switzerland during his large festive 60th birthday party. He had laid out a lot of money for this soiree. It was complete with a live band, a pig roast and guests flown in from out of state.
A few years later he had a stroke which left him debilitated. The next year he was preyed upon by an unscrupulous financial advisor and lost thousands of dollars.
Why Trust in God? The Crooked Path Is Treacherous
These losses were all unexpected. His path was crooked. And the crooked path is like that. The straight path is the path of the wise. And “Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace” Proverbs 3: 17.
That crooked path took a toll on my dad. He died an angry, bitter man. And alone except for one good friend.
In his later years he built a beautiful home in the mountains a few hours outside of San Francisco.
Interestingly, the road leading to it is very crooked for a distance. I’ve driven on that road quite a few times. And I can tell you it is treacherous because you can’t see what’s ahead.
The crooked path makes people bitter because they don’t make the connection between their suffering and their sin.
My dad’s misery was compounded by the fact that his closest friends had peaceful, pleasant lives. They didn’t have major health problems. And they had beautiful families at their side. And that’s of course, not without reason.
His friends didn’t lean on their own understanding and bring devastation into their lives the way he did.
But even though I can see that justice was served in the end- in this life, that doesn’t make me happy. In fact, it causes me even more grief as I reflect on his poor choices and the tragic outcome.
To read another post related to Why Trust in God When It’s Easier to Trust Yourself? see How to Trust In the Lord and Avoid Trouble.